I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
