If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
