BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
