Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
We are two peas in an std pod
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
