I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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