Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
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