Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
