i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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