You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Walk of Shame today included voting.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
