The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
