I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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