Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize