at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
