Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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