thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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