I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Your dad touched me again.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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