I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
