omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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