How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Randomize