I can tuck mytits in my pants
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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