well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
