the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize