i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
