Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize