I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
