well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
