I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
