oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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