Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
