so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
