I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
