My hand turned me down
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
