laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
There's always time for handjobs
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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