Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
