some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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