She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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