she was so not down for the gang bang
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
