Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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