he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Randomize
