The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
