So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
