Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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