sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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