My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
