You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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