so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
