we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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