I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
