He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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