You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
