May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
