Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
