The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
