Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
