Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
