Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
