am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
