We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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