saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
