I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize