i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize