I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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