There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
