bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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