make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
